if only you knew...

mood: stressed

music: when you look me in the eyes - jonas brothers

that is most certainly the question in my mind when
it comes to the topic of love. goodness, i think it's safe
to say that.. well, i've never experienced true love. i'm
not quite sure what it looks like. boys can get, can be,
really rather annoying. i mean, don't get me wrong, boys
are great, wonderful rather. most of my best friends are
guys, but seriously, if i don't know you, don't hit on me.
you may think you have a chance, but you don't. i'm picky.
maybe i'm too picky. i don't know. i've never really gotten
good advice from anyone on this topic, so i'm just throwing
it out there for the world to read. haha. probably not the
best of ideas, but i'm really not gonna go there. i'm just
confused. sometimes i think i'm afraid of love, because
every boyfriend i ended up going out with, i thought it would
be something else, but it turned out it was total opposite
of what i was expecting. i have this image in my mind of
love and a boyfriend that i'm just dreaming sometime i'll
have, and every boyfriend i've had has been the total
opposite of that. is it me? is it them? i don't know, it's kinda
bothering me. maybe i'll never find it. which will make me
really sad if i don't. and so i like a guy, really really really
much, like lay down my life, give it up for this guy. that's
how much he means to me. and i have my guesses if he
likes me back. but i don't know, and i keep trying to think
of how it would work out, but i don't know that either. i could
do long distance, maybe. i don't know. he means so much
to me. sometimes i wonder if he'll ever know how much
he really does truly mean to me. does he know? can he
even imagine? i don't know. he's the only guy in the world
other than my dad and brother that can make me feel so
much better on a day when i feel like the earth is ending.
he makes me laugh until my chest hurts from laughing so hard.
he makes me live like there's no tomorrow, like nothing
is ever wrong in the world. he always, ALWAYS knows what
to say to me. he's a charmer, i'll give him that. haha. in my
mind, he's perfect, and i know he's not, but that's okay.
because he's everything to me. everything. he loves Jesus
just like i love Jesus. his whole life is helping people.
we have so much in common, so much we love to do, so
much we want to do. and he looks out for me, even though
he may not be close by, he'd be here in a heartbeat if i
needed help, or something happened. that means so much
to me. he cooks. he goes on crazy adventures. he says he's
lazy and can't multi-task, but i know he wrong. he could so
do that. his family is even the most wonderful group of
people i've ever met. they're so hardworking and lovable and
i fit right in with them. and another thing in my image in
my head of a the perfect relationship, i've always wanted
someone to just hold me close, never let go, make me
feel safe, kiss me and tell me everything will be alright.
basically, someone to just hold me in they're arms, that would
be amazingg. no doubt. someone that will love me for me and
not for anything else. i guess i can keep hoping. maybe
my dream will come true someday. and i'll find my prince
charming.

Posted on May. 6th, 2008 at 08:45 pm | Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend